Crypto Chaos! Binance, Bitcoin & the Stablecoin Shenanigans 🙃

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Somewhere deep in the digital universe, an X user with the rather melodious name of AB Kaui Dong decided to yell “Fire!” (figuratively, of course) early Tuesday. Apparently, Dong detected cryptic—and somewhat eyebrow-raising—onchain activity involving the galactic empire of cryptocurrencies, Binance. Naturally, the internet responded by collectively grabbing popcorn and tuning in 👀.

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Dong confidently declared, “The topic of hushed whispers among blockchain enthusiasts today is Binance, allegedly engaged in a large-scale purge of its own BTC and ETH assets.” He then added, in tones that hinted at the dramatic, “Most of these currencies seem to have been joyfully transformed into USDC. Magic? 🤔”

Now, Dong did grudgingly admit these funds belonged to Binance and not its users—a footnote that the internet, in its fervor, promptly ignored. The allegations, however, got picked up by the big names like Cointelegraph, where someone seemed to have traded fact-checking for lunch breaks 🍔. Cue ominous headlines about Binance offloading 94% of its bitcoin, 99.9% of its ether, and, for some unexplainable reason, 99% of its solana. Oh, the scandal! 😱

Binance, however, swiftly popped the rumor balloon. In official terms (and probably with several cups of coffee brewed under pressure), they clarified: “Chill, everyone. No one’s selling anything; this is just boring treasury accounting. User funds remain SAFU. Always.” For those wondering, SAFU basically means, “Take a deep breath, your stuff is safe. Honest.”

Even the rumor’s instigator, Dong, belatedly jumped back in to reassure that Binance is indeed safe “for now”—a dramatic sign-off that sounded suspiciously like the plot hook for a thriller sequel 🎬. Cointelegraph, meanwhile, stealthily withdrew their earlier claims and presumably went back to flipping through their “Avoid PR Disasters 101” manual.

(When crypto rumors fly faster than hypersonic jets, but reality does a plodding stroll 🐢 / X)

2025-02-12 00:26